1. At the movies: When you meet friends...

Question: - Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: - Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Question: - Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: - No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... Why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Question: - Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: - Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Question: - Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer: - No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also
Spit in it.

5. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Question: - Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: - No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Question: - Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer: - No, he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Question: - Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer: - No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb.

8. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Question: - Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: - No it won’t. It will just bleed.

9. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Question: - Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: - Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now it's in
flames!!!

10. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Question: - Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: - Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

11.

Question: - What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

Answer: - 1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
               2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

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